Tag Archives: Sports

The Cheeto Dust Cup

Posted on July 20, 2026 by 34orion

The World Cup final had a 90-minute ceremony, a Tom Cruise monologue, and confiscated protest signs. Also, somewhere in there, a soccer match — Argentina didn’t manage a single shot on goal.

New: The Cheeto Dust Cup Continue reading →

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How The World Cup Defeated The Orange News Cycle

Posted on June 28, 2026 by 34orion

I thought marriage meant love, compromise, and pretending decorative pillows serve a purpose.

Turns out it also meant swearing lifelong loyalty to Brazilian soccer.

This one is about the World Cup, marriage, Brazil, and the blessed miracle of replacing the orange news cycle with a month of yellow jerseys, questionable officiating, and emotional damage in Portuguese.

Give it a read. Continue reading →

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Additions to the Highlight Reel, Before the Nation Gets Relegated

Posted on June 13, 2026 by 34orion

Sports gives us highlight reels. Politics gives us blooper reels with subpoenas.
This week, the Knicks added one to the good reel. Now I’m hoping for two more: Brazil’s sixth star and a Blue Tsunami big enough to remind Team USA that the coach is supposed to lead the team, not admire himself during the timeout. Continue reading →

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