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Author Archives: 34orion
The Ted Lasso Way
Six years ago, when everything felt broken, a fictional football coach showed up with a yellow sign that said BELIEVE.
This week, watching Washington turn grievance into theater yet again, I found myself thinking about Ted Lasso, Anthony Fauci, optimism, and one line that feels especially useful right now:
“Don’t fight back. Fight forward.”
New piece: The Ted Lasso Way Continue reading
Posted in covid, Humor / satire, opinion, personal essay, Politics and Society, Trump cuts, Trump Opposition
Tagged American politics, Anthony Fauci, covid, democracy, Hope, life, Midterm Elections, politics, Rand Paul, Ted Lasso, writing
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What We Do In The Shadows: The White House Edition
I wasn’t looking for vampires. They found me—first while I was trapped in Staten Island traffic, then in Washington, where one especially needy specimen has turned the entire country into his emotional-support animal.
A little tale about What We Do in the Shadows, Truth Social, and the exhausting experience of being governed by a man who feeds on grievance, attention and whatever joy America still has left. Continue reading
The Cheeto Dust Cup
The World Cup final had a 90-minute ceremony, a Tom Cruise monologue, and confiscated protest signs. Also, somewhere in there, a soccer match — Argentina didn’t manage a single shot on goal.
New: The Cheeto Dust Cup Continue reading
Posted in Humor / satire, personal essay, Politics and Society, Trump Opposition
Tagged Cheetos, Donald Trump, football, news, politics, soccer, Sports, trump, World Cup
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The Marquee Mood Ring
Summer movies used to be an escape. This year, they’re a mirror. 🎬
Jaws taught us to fear the water. Jackass, Minions & Monsters, and Animal Farm are teaching us something else entirely — a pretty unflattering portrait of where we are as a country right now.
New on Tomahawk and Crown: what this summer’s blockbusters (and one very ancient odyssey) reveal about the nation we’ve become — and the one we might still get back to.
Read it here: [link] 🍿 Continue reading
Posted in culture, Humor / satire, personal essay, Politics and Society, Trump Opposition
Tagged cinema, family, film, history, horror, movies, reviews, trump
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How The World Cup Defeated The Orange News Cycle
I thought marriage meant love, compromise, and pretending decorative pillows serve a purpose.
Turns out it also meant swearing lifelong loyalty to Brazilian soccer.
This one is about the World Cup, marriage, Brazil, and the blessed miracle of replacing the orange news cycle with a month of yellow jerseys, questionable officiating, and emotional damage in Portuguese.
Give it a read. Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged brazil, Brazilian Soccer, football, Political Exhaustion, soccer, Sports, World Cup, writing
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The Trump Stability Index
A weekly composite of ten objective measures, each scored 1–10 and oriented the same way — 10 = steadiest, 1 = most chaotic. Every component is scored against his own trailing 8-week baseline. Version 1.0. Continue reading
Posted in Trump cuts, Trump Opposition, Politics and Society, Humor / satire
Tagged Donald Trump, political commentary, politics, trump
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The Real Screwworm:
In which the efficiency experts save fifteen million dollars and spend a billion finding out what the fifteen million was for. Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Donald Trump, food, health, nature, political commentary, politics, screwworm, trump
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Additions to the Highlight Reel, Before the Nation Gets Relegated
Sports gives us highlight reels. Politics gives us blooper reels with subpoenas.
This week, the Knicks added one to the good reel. Now I’m hoping for two more: Brazil’s sixth star and a Blue Tsunami big enough to remind Team USA that the coach is supposed to lead the team, not admire himself during the timeout. Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged baseball, Donald Trump, mlb, nba, political satire, politics, Sports, writing
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Blame it on Rio 
Cheeto Dust
Went for a walk to clear my head. Came back with a eulogy for my cat, some inherited wisdom about fairy dust, and a working theory that Cheeto dust is its evil twin. New essay is up. 🧡🪄 Continue reading →