Tag Archives: football

The Cheeto Dust Cup

Posted on July 20, 2026 by 34orion

The World Cup final had a 90-minute ceremony, a Tom Cruise monologue, and confiscated protest signs. Also, somewhere in there, a soccer match — Argentina didn’t manage a single shot on goal.

New: The Cheeto Dust Cup Continue reading →

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How The World Cup Defeated The Orange News Cycle

Posted on June 28, 2026 by 34orion

I thought marriage meant love, compromise, and pretending decorative pillows serve a purpose.

Turns out it also meant swearing lifelong loyalty to Brazilian soccer.

This one is about the World Cup, marriage, Brazil, and the blessed miracle of replacing the orange news cycle with a month of yellow jerseys, questionable officiating, and emotional damage in Portuguese.

Give it a read. Continue reading →

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